WELCOME TO A NIGERIA..WITHOUT THE…BLACKBERRY!

Recently, I was listening to a news item on a Nigerian newspaper headline that sounded like this “Govt.Plans to Ban The Use of BLACKBERRY In Nigeria”. Hey that would be nice. Wouldn’t it?

At last we would be spared the nauseating sights of girls ( I refuse to call them “ladies”) on “okada” “BlackBerrying” away with all careless abandon for their safety! We would be spared the sights of robotic humans fixing their attention only on their BLACKBERRY while walking along the avowed Nigerian dangerous city  roads! We would be spared the nauseating and disrespectful juniors ignoring the presence and to wit-the instructions of their seniors, in preference to the commanding and ubiquitous presence of the BLACKBERRY! Imagine what peace would descend into every home at the ban of the BLACKBERRY if women/wives were deprived (a-la BLACKBERRY ban) the opportunity of romancing their BLACKBERRY on cold nights instead of their “poor” and “lonely” hubbies! Oh the agony of seeing your wife glued endlessly to the BLACKBERRY and pinging the “lifeless” black machine instead of “pinging” your lip or body!

 Would you not prefer the ban of the BLACKBERRY to the now rampant use of same even by students and candidates while writing exams? Would you not prefer to cast your vote for the ban of the BLACKBERRY to seeing those lewd, explicit and “X”-rated pictures pinged almost “per second, per second”(as my father of blessed memory would say)  without caring for decorum and decency?

How about rumours? You can’t punch a hole in the argument that the most veritable avenue for spreading dangerous,seditious,nerve-wracking,defamatory,polity- inflaming and if you like-devilish rumours in this day and age in Nigeria is…wait for it….the BLACKBERRY! I get a feeling that Hollywood, Bollywood, Nollywood and music stars would heave a sigh of relief at the final answer to their prayers through the ban of the intruding BLACKBERRY! We would be free from pings like “have you heard that ……is now dating the wife of……….”-with the name of a pop,film,economic or political rising or shining star inserted without caring for the veracity of same!

BlackBerry-the first thing “addicts” pick in the morning instead of morning devotions and the last thing they resort to instead of saying “goodnite” to their Creator!

The verdict against the BLACKBERRY  in Nigeria at this time is “guilty, guilty, guilty, and guilty as charged” therefore welcome to-Nigeria-the land where BLACKBERRY is indeed black in colour, black character, black in usage, black in reputation, black in everything!

While agreeing that the use of BLACKBERRY may be getting out of hand and is being abused, can we exonerate other means of communication in this ICT age? If BLACKBERRY is banned, “Darkberry” would be born!

I honestly think the ban, if carried through, would be a wrong step in the wrong direction that would give birth to wrong and un-envisaged consequences! For instance we would have a more underground/dangerous form of social medium to grapple with.

 By the way, I don’t have a BLACKBERRY and i have no intention of buying one! Not that I’m averse to the use of communication gadgets-not at all.in fact i have a state –of-the art- android phone as well as a HD tablet. I am not cut out for the BLACKBERRY but that does not say others shouldn’t use it. To now take it to the ridiculous level of banning it would be like killing a newt with a TNT!

If the rumour is true, I think the government is getting too jittery over small matters that should be tackled through sensitisation!

Wait a minute! This can’t be true. It’s only a rumour and i didn’t get it through the BLACKBERRY. I got it on the newspaper review on TV! Shouldn’t the Nigerian government consider banning the TV or better the DSTV, the MYTV, the STARTIMES, the DAARSAT and the MULTI TV in addition to the BLACKBERRY?

 Rumours, rumours and more rumours! Have a good day with your life!

© SLI-2013